As I hung up the phone my heart was racing, and I didn’t know how to keep my excitement contained! I had just talked to my mother-in-law who was a licensed foster parent and mother of four. She had two sons by birth, and two by adoption. She had called to tell me that she had found out about a little one year-old boy that needed an adoptive home. She had suggested my husband and me to the foster home coordinator.
My husband and I had recently become foster parents, and while we knew we wanted to adopt children we didn’t know what the journey was going to entail. Both of us had just turned twenty-one, and at the age of twenty were told that we were infertile. We had planned to have biological children, and then become foster/adoptive parents when we were seasoned parents. My heart broke so much for older children who aged out of foster care without a forever home. At first the idea of becoming foster parents at such a young age seemed impossible. We feared that we would do more harm than good. But God is persistent! It seemed like every newspaper I picked up had articles about the thousands of foster children waiting for parents to adopt them. When I slept I had dreams of being a foster/adopt mom. It seemed like everywhere we turned the message was loud and clear, we were supposed to pursue foster parenting. The last confirmation came from a lady at our church. She didn’t have any way of knowing what we were contemplating, but one Sunday she came up to us and said, “You know that you two are supposed to become foster parents, right?!” It was that day that we decided to go through the process to get our foster parent license, and trust God with our future.
After talking it over, we made the call to human services and left a message for the foster home coordinator, saying that we were interested in talking to her about this little boy. We had finished the majority of our foster license requirements. There were a few minor training requirements we needed to finish up, and we were in the process of buying our first home. At that time, our current living situation wouldn’t have been a good fit for a growing family. The foster home coordinator put us in touch with the little boy’s caseworker, and we set up a sit down meeting with her. There were definitely hurdles that needed to be overcome.
I’ll never forget sitting in her office, and the long conversation we had. Just like any foster adoption there is the risk that it won’t work out. The goal of the foster care system is to reunite children with their biological families. If that isn’t possible that is when children can be adopted by a non-relative. The case worker also told us the details of this little one’s case. All foster children, no matter the age, deal with trauma and abandonment. She wanted to be open and honest about the potential hardships we could face. We listened intently to her, and then decided that we wanted to meet him. My favorite part of the conversation came at the end. She pulled out a colored page of printed pictures of the little boy. There was a picture of him in a duck costume, and of him holding a bat by a tee-ball stand. He had dark skin, brown eyes, brown hair, and was pretty skinny. I think it was right then that I began loving my son!
A few weeks after that conversation, we drove two hours to a bigger city where our son was currently in placement. I remember the butterflies that were fluttering in my stomach as we walked up his foster parents’ driveway. His caseworker had met us there, and was going to supervise the visit. As soon as his foster mother opened the door I could see him. He was sitting in a booster seat at their dining room table.
The first thing I noticed was his big brown eyes, and long eyelashes! He climbed down from the table and ran behind their living room couch. His foster mother informed us that he was extremely shy and had stranger anxiety. Our caseworker suggested that the visit might go well if she, our son, and my husband and me went outside away from his foster parents. We stepped outside with bubbles, and almost instantly he was giggling and trying to pop the bubbles! We had broken the ice!
After awhile he wanted to do something different, so the three of us followed him around the backyard and just played with him. At one point he tripped and began to cry. I wanted so badly to scoop him up, but our caseworker put her hand up to stop me. He knew her, and she wanted to make sure he was completely comfortable with us before there was any kind of physical contact. When he had calmed down she suggested we take him to the swing. She told me to go ahead and push him. My husband and I took turns pushing him. He loved it, and was warming up more and more to us! After awhile his eyes began to get heavy, and our caseworker told me that I could take him out of the swing and carry him into the house.
As I lifted him out of the swing I was worried he would get scared and start crying. Instead he laid his head on my shoulder and relaxed! My heart began to overflow! When we reached the house his foster mother showed me a rocking recliner chair. I sat down, and he stayed relaxed. I was brought his favorite blanket, and they carefully removed his shoes. It only took a few minutes for him to fall asleep. I remember feeling so much love for him, and I didn’t want to ever put him down! I remember thinking, “This is how every new mother must feel the first time their child is put in their arms!”
His foster parents and caseworker commented on how surprised they were that he felt comfortable enough with me to fall asleep in my arms. When they suggested it was time to carry him to his crib so he could take a proper nap, I didn’t want to comply! I had my son in my arms for the first time, and I didn’t want to let go! I didn’t want to leave! But it was important to go slow for his sake. After I carried him to his crib, and looked at him for a minute it was time to head home.
We thanked his foster parents for their hospitality, and agreed that we would be setting up our next visit very soon. I didn’t know it at the time, but his foster parents would leave an incredible impression on us. They would also give us very simple advice that we would carry with us throughout our foster parent journey. I still maintain contact with our son’s foster mother to this day. They’re retired from foster parenting now, but they fostered over fifty children! Our son was very blessed to have been in their home before coming home to us.
We wanted to do what was best for our son, so we agreed to take things slow and make the transition from his foster home into ours as easy on him as possible. At first we would visit him for a few hours in his foster home once a week. Then, we would take him out with just us for several hours. When we would take him back to their house I would give him a bath, put pajamas on him, and cuddle with him until he went to bed. After awhile we were able to take him home for weekend visits! It was always so hard to take him back, and leave him there for the week. Finally, ten days before his second birthday we were able to bring him home for good!